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【雅思写作真题】剑桥8 Test4小作文实例批改

晟睿教育
2017-03-17
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作文题目:剑桥8 Test4小作文

The graph below shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

考生原文

The line diagram which indicates the goods transported in UK between (1974) and (2002), according to different ways of transport and the tonnes they carried.

展开剩余87%

Among these lines, water and rail both start with the similar value 40 million tonnes at 1974. After 4 years, the amounts of goods that carried by ship had an increase. However, the amounts that transported by trains went down. Though water line had a decrease from 1982 to 1998, the overall value of it always above the rail line.

The most obvious line which can find on the top of chart is the quantity of goods that transported by road. It held the highest position during 28 years(start at 78 tonnes and finish at 98 tonnes). Turning to the bottom of the chart, the black straight line reveal the pipeline. It is clear that the black line had two climbing points, but it is still the minimum figure.

Overall, the chart demonstrates that the technology is developing. Because all the lines have a positive gradient or the final value is greater than start value.

批改By 晟睿 葡萄

本次批改严格按照IELTS小作文评分标准进行。IELTS小作文评分项:

TA (内容的完整性), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。

文末会进行总评及打分。

总评分5.0分( TA5.5 CC5.0 GRA4.5 LR5.0)

1.信息的描写相对完整,有趋势描述,但是数据表达少,信息的比较上还有欠缺

2.句子和句子之间有一些连词,但是从全文来看,语言的衔接上,还要提升,建议学习更多方法,使文内衔接更为自然和顺畅

3.语法错误较多,比如定语从句、动词时态,动词时态是考生常见错误,也是低级错误

4.词汇量不大,用词准确度欠缺

5.图形的混淆,line graph和chart、diagram明显不同

考官范文

The graph illustrates the quantitiesof goods transported in the United Kingdom by four different modes of transportbetween the time period of 1974 and 2002. Over this span of 28 years, thequantities of goods transported by road, water and pipeline have all increasedwhile the quantity transported by rail has remained almost constant at about 40million tonnes.

The largest quantity of goodstransported both in 1974 and 2002 was by road(70 million tonnes and 98 milliontonnes respectively) while the lowest both in 1974 and 2002 was bypipeline(about 5 million tonnes and 22 million tonnes respectively). The amountof goods transported by water was constant from 1974 to 1978, where it showedan exponential growth, rising to almost 60 million tonnes after which itplateaued for about 20 years before starting to rise gradually again.

The amount of goods transported byrail is almost constant at 40 million tonnes in 1974 and 2002, with decreasesin quantity in between the years. It is also interesting to note that almostall showed a decrease in 1994 in amount of goods transported except for thepipeline, which actually peaked in that year.

In conclusion, the road remains themost popular method of transporting goods in the UK while water and pipelinesare becoming increasingly used, have not become more popular as a method oftransport.

(范文来源:剑桥8 考生高分范文)

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